Is That A Light I see...?

Sometimes in our life we all have pain,  we all have sorrow,  but if we are wise we know there is always tomorrow

It has been, at the very least, a year and a half of waiting. but the day has arrived.  I finally have an appointment with a specialist. (an internist specializing in respiratory medicine). 

He walked into his office introduced himself, sat down and started to read my file.   He told me how, since I was diagnosed 11 years ago at the age of 41 with severe copd that it was most likely caused by heredity.  He then asked if I was aware of anyone in my family having copd.  I told him my father died from pneumonia ( a complication  of copd)  in 1983.  He said  that he wasn't saying that smoking didn't play a part in it because it did but that to be so severe at such a young age than heredity definitely factored in there. He would run a test for Alpha 1 antitrysin deficiency which is a condition in which the body does not make enough of a protein that protects the lungs and liver from damage. The condition can lead to emphysema and/ or liver disease. www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001178/

While listening to him speak the guilt was instantly lifting from my shoulders, the guilt that I was carrying around for the last 11 years.  Maybe,  just maybe I didn't bring this all on myself.  Oh!  I know I did,  but at least it's making me feel a little lighter. It also helps me understand a question I have had in the back of my mind for a long time. Such as why, with all my inhalers, antibiotics, steroids and awareness am I so much worse then my father was and at a much younger age?

I have never in my life had a physical exam such as this.  He pressed and knocked on every muscle and bone in my body, while asking questions about every area he was testing.  I was totally amazed.  Any questions I planned on asking him, he had them answered before I could ask.  He also told me that  I had less than five years to live and that my lung capacity was only at 23%.  For a normal person to understand this they would have to walk around doing their normal chores while breathing through a straw. Or they would have to run up and down a flight of stairs six times and try talking immediately.

Next we talked about how,  in today's world,  51 years of age is just a baby and that if I wanted to live beyond the next five years I would have to have a lung transplant. Since there are only five hospitals in Canada which do lung transplantation he would send my name to the Toronto General Hospital to be put on their list. We discussed that there was three areas that I had to prove and pass,  in order for Toronto General to even consider me for transplant.

First,  there would be a series of tests that he would have to run on me, proving that my heart was strong enough to withstand the transplant and that there was no sign of cancer.  The tests were blood work,  x-ray, bone density, 6 min walk test, blood gases test, ecg and an echo cardiogram. If I get by these tests. than I would have to show the next two requirements during an interview by a teleconference call, and if this goes well then I will be invited up for a week of interviews and more testing.

Secondly,  I needed to check with Prince County Hospital to see if they were running any kind of pulmonary rehabilitation so I could start an exercise program immediately, as the stronger I am,  the better chance I will have of withstanding the transplant.

Lastly,  they would be looking to see if I had a strong family/friend support team.  Transplantation would require me to move and live in Toronto for possibly two years and I would to have someone to be my support person who would be with me 24/7.  I would need to prove to the transplant team in Toronto that I can handle this mentality, physically and financially.  If I fail to prove any of these area than I wouldn't be accepted as a candidate for lung transplant.

Needless to say when it comes to having  a chance to live a normal life for however long that maybe or living  with a 23% lung capacity for the next 5 years, I choose transplant. I am aware that this is the most dangerous transplant they do and  I am willing to risk the possibilities of rejection and an earlier death from complications. It's a no-brainer for me,  I Need this and I Want this Transplant! I want the second chance of maybe making it through and living another 10-15 years with a brand new set of air bags. and the feeling of being able to take a deep breath and actually fill my lungs once again.