Where Do I Go From Here?

"A vision without a task is but a dream,
a task without a vision is drudgery,
a vision and a task is the hope of the world."

Author: From a Church in Sussex, England c.1730

 After two weeks on medication, my follow up doctor's appointment showed absolutely no change.  As a result I was given  prednisone and another round of antibiotics and put of work for a month.

 By my next appointment,  I was feeling much better but my breathing was very bad.  I was only able to stand for a few minutes and then I would be short of breath.   Just walking from one room to the next was suddenly a large chore that had me gasping for breath.  This was the first time I heard the word exasperation used by my doctor.  Not knowing what it meant, I asked, and was told it was a worsening of my disease. He then ordered up my second round of pulmonary function tests. Next we discussed what happened to the specialist from last year, I told him that I had thought I had just missed the call but when he checked his records he had no word from him either.  So we decided to try again but with a different doctor.

When the result came back from my pulmonary function tests this time I was called into my doctor's office again and informed that these tests has showed that my lungs are twice as bad as last year. I definably exasperated.  My before and after tests on the use of my inhalers showed no difference which means that the test done without inhalers was the same as the test done after taking my inhalers.  This certainly explains to me why work has gotten increasing difficult because during work I relied very heavily on my inhalers to get me through my shifts.This when my doctor starting talking to me seriously about going on disability.  It really looks like I have no choice.

Later at home while trying to digest everything I learned today was damm scary. My lungs are in twice as bad of shape as last year, getting through a day of work last year was hell. How was ever going to put a shift in now?  My inhalers are the strongest there is and they are doing me very little good. This reminds me of a story I lady told me years ago about her brother.  He also had COPD and in his final stages all he did was sit in an easy chair and look out the window, day and night he lived in that chair. Is this all I have to look forward too?  Dear God, where do I go from hear?  I'm 51 years old and is it time to set up my chair???