Where Do I Go From Here?

"A vision without a task is but a dream,
a task without a vision is drudgery,
a vision and a task is the hope of the world."

Author: From a Church in Sussex, England c.1730

 After two weeks on medication, my follow up doctor's appointment showed absolutely no change.  As a result I was given  prednisone and another round of antibiotics and put of work for a month.

 By my next appointment,  I was feeling much better but my breathing was very bad.  I was only able to stand for a few minutes and then I would be short of breath.   Just walking from one room to the next was suddenly a large chore that had me gasping for breath.  This was the first time I heard the word exasperation used by my doctor.  Not knowing what it meant, I asked, and was told it was a worsening of my disease. He then ordered up my second round of pulmonary function tests. Next we discussed what happened to the specialist from last year, I told him that I had thought I had just missed the call but when he checked his records he had no word from him either.  So we decided to try again but with a different doctor.

When the result came back from my pulmonary function tests this time I was called into my doctor's office again and informed that these tests has showed that my lungs are twice as bad as last year. I definably exasperated.  My before and after tests on the use of my inhalers showed no difference which means that the test done without inhalers was the same as the test done after taking my inhalers.  This certainly explains to me why work has gotten increasing difficult because during work I relied very heavily on my inhalers to get me through my shifts.This when my doctor starting talking to me seriously about going on disability.  It really looks like I have no choice.

Later at home while trying to digest everything I learned today was damm scary. My lungs are in twice as bad of shape as last year, getting through a day of work last year was hell. How was ever going to put a shift in now?  My inhalers are the strongest there is and they are doing me very little good. This reminds me of a story I lady told me years ago about her brother.  He also had COPD and in his final stages all he did was sit in an easy chair and look out the window, day and night he lived in that chair. Is this all I have to look forward too?  Dear God, where do I go from hear?  I'm 51 years old and is it time to set up my chair???

Fun Stuff

This week I have received bad news and this news brings with it more  challenges and setbacks.  I need to do lots of thinking and I should be writing my next blog.  However, I'm not in the mood. Today I just want to have some fun!!

 And my fun is with some earring! If you care to have a peek with me than come along.

     

For years I have always told people that I have my own personal jeweler and I do and her name is Jeannie ! And her company's name is Bent Island Creations.  Today, I decided to showcase some of her earrings. So her goes...  

Aren't they just the cutest things in the world. She designs and makes all her own jewelery 

If your anything like me, You'll want one of each LOL

I think these are precious!! I need me some haha. These can be bought by double clicking on the Bent Island Creations' website below:

http://bentislandcreations.yolasite.com/

 Or at the following locations:

Prince Edward Island
The Showcase                      145 Richmond Street  Charlottetown PEI     902-628-6149   www.confederationcentre.com
Sweet Escapes Esthetics       215 Stewart Road Springhill  PEI               902-831-3339   www.sweetescapeestheticspei.com 
Moonsnail Soapworks            85 Water Street  Charlottetown  PEI           902-892-7627   www.moonsnailsoapworks.com
The Official Island Store        Gateway Village  Borden  PEI                    902-437-6421
Pier 9 Gift Shop                    313 Trans Canada Hwy  Wood Islands PEI  902-962-2022    
Stanley Bridge Studios          10094  Stanley Bridge  PEI                       902-886-2800
The Toy Factory                   5607 New Glasco  PEI                             902-964-2299   www.toy-factory.ca/toys3.html   
G. Willikers                         8658 Cavendish RD, Cavendish PEI                   902-963-3463         www.gwillikers.ca

Nova Scotica
The Flight Of Fancy              1869 Clementsvale Rd Bear River  NS        902-467-4171   www.theflight.ca
Mayflower Souvenirs & Gifts  Truro Centre  Truro  NS                            902-893-3355
Rainbow Gift Shop                Hants Community Hospital Windsor  NS     902-798-3968

New Brunswick
Magic Mountain Water park   Moncton  NB                                           506-857-9283 ww.maritimefun.com    

Hard Times

The earth's axis wobbles.  Life isn't nearly as stable as we want it to be.  Jodi Picoult ~ My Sister's Keeper

 Our crew at work had a great Christmas holiday this year.  On the days that we did have to work between Christmas and New Years we spent those days taking courses.  My first actual day back to work was January 5, 2010The alarm sounded at 5am.  When I tried to move it felt like my whole body had ceased up, something like an old car that needs to be towed to the nearest car swisher place.  Trying to get dressed, my husband yelling for me to hurry up, after all it's big money day at work (you have to work your last scheduled day before the holidays and the first one after the holidays to be eligible to collect the holiday pay.)  It's surely not a good idea to miss work or even be one minute late today.  If you are, you can kiss the holiday pay, good-bye.My husband's roaring "Come On, Come On", we're going to be late.  I knew I needed to go to work but it was so hard, I had no strength,  I'm trying to force myself to get dressed.  This is when I lose it and the tears just start flowing.  Hubby comes into the room to see what's taking me so long.  He sits down and we have a little chat, God love him, he is always able to make me calm down and get back in control. Just one of the many reasons why I love him.  Finally,  I'm able to finish getting ready.I was praying it would be one of those days that would get better as it goes on.  Not today, each step I took  in my work shoes felt like they weighed 25 lbs each.  I'd just take a couple of steps and I'd be short of breath. Each time I would get back from getting a grade I would feel as if I was going to collapse, darkness enveloping my head and a very powerful weight on my chest.  My day was just pure torture.  By noon I knew I just had to leave. I went home at 2pm.I went home instead of going to outpatients but only because I knew my doctor was doing the clinic tonight and it just made more sense to wait a couple of hours and see him.  The nurse practitioner came in started taking my blood pressure and 0xygen level, asking questions on how I was feeling and (at one time, it use to be that I never cried, not so anymore.)  the old flood gates opened up and I couldn't get them to stop, and the worse thing was she was crying with me. When the doctor arrived, I'm sure the poor man wished he could walk right back out again.  The nurse calmed down and started telling him about my day and all I could do was cry and nod my head.  Not my finest hour to say the least. When he started examining me, he found I had an infection and started treating me with antibiotics.  He put me off work for two weeks. He also wanted to know what I thought of going off work permanently and  I told him that just wasn't an option as I wanted and  needed to work.

Aerial Tour of Prince Edward Island, how I love my home!!

 This is crazy, I haven't even left home yet and I miss it already! lol.

Getting Worse... But With Better Help

After spending three and a half years on a waiting list for a doctor and all my spare time or so it seemed in the emergency room. One evening a triage nurse who had seen way to much of me handed me a number stating, "I don't know if it will help but it certainly can't hurt."   The nest day I called the number and after explaining my situation got totally reamed out and told that there was nothing she could do for me.  However, one week later we received a call for doctor appointments for both my husband and myself, finally. Whoot! 

After leaving my first doctor appointment I already had a pneumonia shot and appointments for a pulmonary function tests and arterial blood gases test. For the first time I actually felt that I was finally on the right track.

My first Spirometry  which is the most common of the Pulmonary Tests and it measures the volume and the speed that the air flow can be inhaled and exhaled. It places you sitting down in a glass cubicle with a nose clip on and breathing through a two inch plastic cylinder.  First exercise has you breathing in and out blowing out as hard and as fast and you can.,next exercise is breathing out for as long as you can and finally the third exercise has you breathing in and out in short spurts however, at some point the oxygen will be blocked off, but you must keep breathing in and out for a set amount of time. These tests are done three times each without the use of puffers. Finally they are all repeated another three time each after you take your puffers. This shows how good the puffers are helping you or not helping you 

The arterial gas test measures the amount of oxygen found in your blood.  They perform this test by drawing blood from your main artery in your wrist, the artery unlike the vein has a tendency to roll and move about. Now, I never minded getting normal blood tests but damm this hurts this one really hurts. Even hours later, and you are getting out of a chair and you put weight on your wrist Owww! it certainly jolts you back to remembering. hahaha

My doctor's biggest beef about these tests results is that we have absolutely nothing to compare them to. There is however, one thing I do know that even after quitting smoking all these years, each and every year I have gotten worse.  My disease is definitely progressing, but as yet we have no proof.

My doctor also sent my name into a specialist in Charlottetown, however, this year turned out to be a very busy year for me and somehow I completely forgot about the specialist not calling. My life just kept getting busier and busier with my husband's health issues and my brother dying from cancer in Ontario.  Every week, my job increasing became harder and harder to do. There were many, many days where I just couldn't,  no matter how hard I tried to muster any energy.  Constantly pushing myself all year to do the easiest of jobs and more often catching myself taking shortcuts on the harder jobs and the guilt I felt over this just added to my problems. Soon it was the end of the year and still no call and at this point I assumed that I missed it!