X-mas 2011

"Christmas Roads The roads of life lead us away, But wherever we may roam Christmas memories take us back And Christmas roads lead home."

Author: Edythe M. Groves

At some point,  while doing our Christmas shopping we decided that we would send our gifts home and after that, as far as we are concerned, Christmas was not happening this year. We had no family here, no decorations, no tree, and bought each other no gifts. We hoped by doing this Christmas would  pass, just like any other ordinary day.

Wednesday Dec 07/11 we went to physio and was told that the Christmas Party for per-transplant was today. I didn't want to go but got talked into by friends. We we down after physio and was pleasantly surprised by all the people and a smorgasbord of delicious food. ( I need and want to take time to thank the Civitan Lung Transplant Club. These are a wonderful group of post transplant people and their family's who are giving back by trying to help out pre-transplant patients espically those of us who come from other provinces. They sell T-shirts, pins, hats ect to raise money to buy equipment for our tread-mill room, host our Christmas Parties and gave each of us a $50.00 gift certificate to help buy our food we need for Christmas, and much, much more God Love and Bless  you all https://www.google.ca/#hl=en&output=search&sclient=psy-ab&q=toronto+lung+civitan+club&oq=Toronto+Lung+citivan&gs_l=serp.1.0.33i29l2.188.2683.1.6170.7.7.0.0.0.0.268.1155.3j1j3.7.0.les%3B..0.0...1c.1.2.serp.huDT3-IubZk&pbx=1&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.r_cp.r_qf.&fp=6c5931f54eec81f3&biw=1280&bih=803We also had some Christmas carolers (Brenda Dainton and Brenda Van Veggel) and Karel Chapman on guitar. 

On Dec 8 Alan and I hosted a wine and cheese party at our apartment for our new friends that we made in out apartment. We had a blast.
The next day a older lady in our building came to our door with a little Christmas tree. She said, " She just couldn't imagine us upstairs with no tree, it made her sad to think about it." Well, what could we do, we took the tree.  I went into our Christmas Cards and got two decorations, our granddaughter made us, a paper angel and a felt penguin. So here is our tree.

I think it's cute, don't you?

 On the 15th I finally finished my T.B medication, been on it's since April. Now maybe I can have some wine over X-mas.

Turned out to be quite busy over Christmas every second night we were invited to neighbors for parties up and including Christmas Eve. We had to rush down to our apartment to skype with The Bryantons. Back up and skyped with the kids again in the morning and we all opened our gifts over skype. Not the same but still a whole lot better than we had expected.   

  
if you look close enough you can see Alan and I on the laptop's screen in Cherisse's living room lol

Some Bad Bad Times

"Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty. Believe in them, and try to follow where they lead."

Author: Louisa May Alcott 

 On Tuesday,  November 22, 2011 Alan and I had an appointment with Dr. Vascular (I will be keeping real doctor's names out of my blogs from now on) about the blockage in my aerial artery going into my liver. The way we understood it from the transplant team was that Dr. Vascular would assess me for surgery so that I would be able to return and go back on the list.

Well Dr. Vascular walks into the room, introduces himself and then goes off on a tangent about "What am I doing here?" "What to they (transplant team) expect  from him?" Then he goes on about a lady who had the same problem and he operated on her twice and the second time she died on the table. Needless to say I went into a trance and don't remember anything else. My husband tells me afterwards that I answered many of the Dr.s questions but all that was going on in my mind was... NO VASCULAR OPERATION, NO  LUNG TRANSPLANT, NO LUNG TRANSPLANT NO LIFE...DIE.  From here I went into a deep depression for many days.

 

 A very good friend, transplant buddy and fellow Islander Lynn MacLeod came over on Saturday Dec 2, to try and cheer me up. She also stayed the night and together her and Alan brought be out of my depression with tons of laughter. First off. both of us were each hauling 50 feet of oxygen hoses and everytime we moved our hoses would get tangled up, poor, poor Alan would make us sit down and gets us all untangled. This would only last until one of us would want a drink or a pee and then again it would start all over again. 

 

The next morning the 3 of us went for breakfast at Egg Smart where we met up with other friends for brunch. Gerri Cotnam- Amos another transplant buddy and her posse from up Mattawa way there haha. Table for 7! We had a blast.

Monday December 5/2011 BIG DAY BIGGER NEWS! I've been put back on the list. Unbelievable news. Apparently Dr. Vascular wrote a letter telling the transplant team that I am having no pain or discomfort from this that it obviously is not affecting me. also that my portal artery was in fact quite able and doing a great job of handling any slack going into my liver.  I am overwhelmed with relief  Thank you to all my family and friends for all their prayers, they have gotten me over this hurdle. xoxo

 

PATHWAY OF PAIN

Author: Helen Steiner Rice

 

If my days were untroubled and my heart always light,
Would I seek that fair land where there is no night?
If I never grew weary with the weight of my load,
Would I seek for God’s peace at the end of the road?

If I never knew sickness and never felt pain,
Would I search for a hand to help and sustain?
If I walked without sorrow and lived without loss
Would my soul seek solace at the foot of the cross?

If all I desired was mine day by day,
Would I kneel before God and earnestly pray?
If God sent no winter to freeze me with fear,
Would I yearn for the warmth of spring every year?

I ask myself these and the answer is plain,
If my life were pleasure and I never knew pain -
I’d seek God less often and need Him much less,
For God is sought more often in times of distress.

And no one knows God or sees Him as plain -
As those who have met Him on the "Pathway of Pain

November 2011 OBSTACLES

One who gains strength by overcoming obstacles possesses the only strength which can overcome adversity.  Albert Schweitser

    I would like to apologize to my faithful readers for taking so long with these blogs, I have decided to do them monthly to get them up to date.

Dr. Rotstein's constant search for whatever has been making my liver counts so high, sent me for a abdominal cat-scan on Nov 8/11.

On November 10/11  my next appointment with Dr. Rotstein, the results were in and I have a narrowing in my main artery going into my liver.  They will be sending me to see a vascular surgeon to have this checked. At 6 pm I received a phone call from my Lung Transplant Coordinator to inform me that I have been taken off the list for transplant until this problem is solved (surgically I assumed)

I WAS DUMB-FOUNDED. I was focused mind and body on getting into my best personal shape so I could withstand the hardships that my body would be undertaking during  and after transplant.This news sent me for a loop. I was lost.  After a few days I talked with the coordinator and was told that I was to keep all my appointments and continue to go to physio three days a week.  So I pasted on a smile and continued like life was normal. Such is me.

Well, you know, what they say how bad news  happen in 3's. Our van broke down and it cost $615.00 to fix. Even though we don't use it a whole lot, just groceries and  it's sure is nice to go for a drive to escape the city every once in awhile. Sorry, just pisses my off when something happens that wasn't in the budget. Just part of life!
                                                                

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 

                              
                                                                                                                                                                                       

Alan's Trip Home OCT/11

I have always been the type of person who detests change, all change, the tiniest change. I just don't like it. That's just who I am. I'll fight tooth and nail against it, for what reason, I have no idea, because it never fails once the change takes place, within a few days I'm liking it, embracing it in fact. Don't know why, I am who I am!

Having my husband leave with a friend and drive back to the Island doesn't sound so bad.  In fact, it was a great idea, they both could take turns driving, split the cost of gas.  Plus Alan really hates it here in Toronto, has since the day we arrived. He'll never be a city boy. This trip will give him a chance to be home for a week. Visit with family & friends , especially with someone close who just found out she has cancer. Let him do somethings that you can't just do by mail. Like get our van inspected ect.So it's all set and they will be leaving soon.

In preparation we did some grocery shopping, food that my son (Ashtin) and myself to cook or better said would be heat up hahaha while  he was gone.  Loads of T.V. dinners and Kraft Dinner. I was really looking forward to spending the week with Ashtin. The week went really fine except for physios, one day 02 levels would be down , next day heart rate would be up or both. In a sense, I learned how anxiety, or stress really can play with one's body. For Ashtin, he did a wonderful job. but I guess I was just use to having my hubby around. P.S. He make the best Kraft Dinner, secret is he fries up bacon and then breaks it into the Kraft Dinner. lol love you baby boy!

Learnig To Take The Good With The Bad. October 2011

The month of October 2011 started off on a really bad note. Physio buddy, Barb Ramsey passed away, the lungs didn't come in on time for her. We usually attended our weekly meetings, physio and many lunches together. She will be greatly missed here at the General, husband Bruce and Family as well as her community with whom she spent many years as a volunteer. A great woman, RIP my dear, you were truly loved.

On the 4th of October Alan and I hosted our first pot luck supper with some of our new neighbors here in our apartment.  We couldn't believe these people never had one before. LOL Torontonins what they have been missing without us. Lots of delicious food, fine wine and lots of stories. They loved it and are now planning one for Christmas.  I really have to thank my wonderful hubby chef Alan Rogers was right in his wonderful glory.  Thank-you  new neighbors for making it a wonderful evening, Glen, Ruby, Bob, Donna, Kim and  Marlo.

Doctor appointment with Dr. Rotstein, still worried about my liver counts, he has my last cat-scan and something is perplexing him. I'm quite confident he will find it soon. Reminds me of a dog with a bone when he can't answer a question, I so love this doctor. Blood tests showing low potassium levels, he's giving me some supplements and I'm to eat 2 bananas everyday. This should stop the twitching and night jolts haha and help Alan sleep better.

On Saturday Oct 8/11 we were invited to my girlfriend Gerri's for Thanksgiving Supper. Her oldest son Chad, wife Sylvia, kids Carter, Logan and Peyton and her second son Evan and his girlfriend, Samantha.  Cooked up the biggest meal I have ever seen in one setting and that takes a lot considering our Rogers' family lol. Man them ladies "up north there Mattawa way", they sure can cook. Yes, that's how you say it up there hahahahaha thank-you and god bless you all.  Pics above Gerri just 3 weeks post transplant with granddaughter, Peyton doing nanny's nails.  Alan and Chad doing dishes after supper!~

 More sad news, I'm afraid.  The first couple we met here in our apartment building, even before we met the superintendents. was Jim and Birgetta Worrel. Wonderful couple, Jim passed away today. He looked about 68, I found after his death he was 97. Amazing, intelligent man. RIP Jim, Alan and I will watch over Birgetta for you.  JUST A TIMBIT, besides being a lawyer and a judge Jim was the flag barrier for the Canadian Olympic team in the 1936 Berlin Games. To this day they are outstanding members of the IOC.  His wife Birgetta, orginially from Denmark is a fine lady in her own right and we\re enjoying her company.

Thanksgiving Day, and I'm down, little depressed and just plain lazy.  Seems so many have passed away here waiting for lungs. It's really scary.  We can't be home with family and sometimes I feel as if it's my fault.  If I feel this way for Thanksgiving, how will I get  through Christmas?

Since we had such a bad day yesterday, today we are going out for a drive.  Location The Beaches
as we arrived, we noticed we could park right in front of Queen's Park ( BONUS FOR ME).  The park was beautiful and some of the leaves were starting to turn color. Beautiful day.

By walking straight through the park you reach the boardwalk along the beaches. It was beautiful. Trees and running trails on one side and water on the other. The site  in front is the skyline of Toronto.  It was nice to be near water again. Almost forgot I wasn't at home.  Though the sand is not pretty like PEI's. It did help us find peace again.

This beautiful day helped me lift my spirits.  xoxoxoxoxo Take care to all my family and friends.

Life in the Transplant Lane

Just for anyone out there, who thinks life is over for us here in Toronto. Buckle in and I'll tell you about just one of our weeks.

The last couple of weeks of September just flew by starting with my best friend Gerri receiving her lungs on the 15th.  While she was in surgery I was upstairs in the physio room, physio seemed so empty this week, as well it should because most of my morning class got done this month. More new faces arriving every day. Once physio was over we caught a cab over to the Western Hospital for my second Hepatitis shot. Then back to the General just in time to catch our Wheel Trans ride back to the apartment.

On the 17th we made a special trip down to the hospital to visit with Gerri.This is the first time we were in the Transplant I.C.U. I'll be honest,  it's a very scary spot. When we first seen Gerri she was already sitting up in her bed, but she had one hell of  a lot of tubes, coming out all over her. Luckily for me the ventilator was already removed, thank God that thing scares the "be jesus" out of me, but she was breathing really well and it was removed early.  She was able to talk but her voice was quite horse. The transplant I.C.U. each patient has around the clock nurse who stays with them. One patient one nurse. Providing there is no complications her stay there will be 3-4 days.

On Monday the 19th. First I did my 1 1/2 hours of physio, then we went down to the 10 th floor ICU to find out Gerri was moved to the first step-down. In this ICU the only difference is that there is two patients to one nurse. When we found her she was looking pretty good, less tubes and talking up a storm haha that's my girl. Next, I had an appointment  at the Western Hospital with my family doctor that I decided to cancel.  I'm exhausted and  my head is pounding. I actually fell asleep in the wheel -trans  going home, and that is a first for me.

Wednesday the 21th, first I did my blood work for my appointment with Dr. Rotstein tomorrow. Then on to physio for 1 1/2 hrs. of exercise. Next on to our weekly support meeting.(place to go to vent or tell beautiful stories of people who have come through this with great results, twice a month they bring in speakers to explain what their job is on the transplant team or people who are post transplant for numerous years ect.)  Then on to lunch with treadmill room friends.  At 1:00  it's on to clinic with Dr. Marco Mura ( respirologist).  I felt like my past infection hasn't completely cleared up. So he gave me a medication which is put into juice or pop (Pepsi) and it will induce coughing to help clear the lungs and bronchial tubes of any crap left there from infection. Catch our Wheel-Trans van for home.

Thursday, the 22th. First was the appointment with Dr. Rotstein, who sees my liver counts are almost back to normal. but he is very worried why it is taking so long. So he wants to order a ct-scan of the liver, for me but I let him know that I have one for my lungs scheduled for next week. So he will add the liver onto that scan and it can be done all at once. He is the most wonderful doctor in the world, he knows something is wrong and he won't stop until he finds it. His mind is like a steel trap he doesn't forget anything, he comes over to talk whenever he sees us in the lobby.  haha After all this I want to take him home with me!  Next onto physio for my regular exercise routine.  Then a quick trip down to see Gerri, she is a trooper, always full of laughs. Down to the Food Court for lunch with the gang. At 1:00pm, I did my 3month electrocardiogram (just routine check on the heart) and then off for home.

How's that for a week. Not much time for boredom. This is also not counting all the beautiful friends we have made in our apartment complex, who stop in for afternoon tea and such. I count my blessings everyday how fortunate I am to be here. I am so well taken care of. Missing our family and friends back home is a problem we have to deal with. However, with my health, I am in the right place.

NOTE 
Dear friend of ours Barb Ramsey has been put in the hospital today. She is on her last unless a set of lungs that match her comes in very, very soon.  Praying for you Barb and Bruce!


  

Bra Shopping Of All Things! September 2011

September started out as a really sad time for me with my dear, dear friend Linda's passing.

I think Alan, my husband, and Cheryl got together and planned a day for them to visit us and hopefully cheer me up. Cheryl and Brickie come from Glace Bay, Nova Scotia and she is waiting for a lung transplant too.  Although, she has been here a lot longer than me.

So on Sunday of Labor Day Week-end, over they came. We visited for awhile and decided to go shopping for bras.  Apparently,  we can't wear regular bras after surgery because the stitches run along where the bra lands.We need special ones with no wire, elastic or bands   She came equipped with a Warner bra number and off we went.  First we arrived a Wal-Mart, remember now it's Sunday just 2 days before the kids so back to school. The boys dropped us off at the door and went to park. We proceeded in and there was no shopping carts and we needed these to lean on cause we didn't bring our walkers. SHIT this is when WE remembered it was the holiday week-end. Finally, the Wal-Mart greeter found us a cart. haha In went her oxygen tank and then mine and we both were short of breath all ready, so we just leaned and pushed.  Too bad we didn't have a camera, I think it would've made a funny pic. We didn't find any bras there, Alan came running in to tell us that they couldn't find a parking spot, so we left.

if she sees this she will kill me so shhhh!

Our next spot was The Bay, Cheryl was sure they had them. So off we traipsed and guess what she found them.  Unfortunately,  I was the only one buying them, they didn't come in her size.( lol one up for small- breasted women)

Back home we feasted on Alan's famous lasagne (it's delious) When we were stuffed and heading back to the living room. Cheryl's cell phone started ringing and her then her beeper started beeping.  Oh my God! it has to be her lungs, sure enough.  Luckily she had until 11pm to get to the hospital, lungs must not be there yet. She was shaking, I was screaming.  How exciting is that!

Cheryl received her new lungs after midnight so it's officially on my birthday. What a story  and what a birthday present! Certainly, a much happier story.

Over the next ten days I had lots of tests and appointments.  Starting on the sixth, we had to make a extra trip to the hospital.  I had a clinic appointment (which is something like a doctor appointment but sometimes we see respirologists and other times we see nurse-practitioners)   This time I saw Susan ( nurse-practitioner), she listened to my lungs and started me back on antibiotics, I have another infection in my lungs.

 On Wednesday the 7th,  I did blood-work first, then onto an appointment with Dr. Rotstein.  My liver counts are starting to come down but very slowly. Still staying off the T.B. meds. Next onto 1 1/2 hrs of physio.Then home to a well-deserved nap.

Monday the 12th found me feeling much better, antibiotics kicked in over the week-end. First we did my physio for 1 1/2 ( I say we because my husband is also there with me, filling out my chart, cheering me on, getting my weights, sterilizing my machines.) We are a team! ♥♥♥  I love him more and more everyday.  Next we went down to floor 10 to see Cheryl who is now in the first step-down ICU and doing fantastic!  Later down in the lobby we saw Bill Hocken bringing back Linda's walker he looked so sad and broken, it broke my heart. While talking to Bill the Wheel-Trans arrived and we had to leave. Back home, I realized that I left behind my Sony E-Reader at the hospital, it was my Christmas gift from Alan last year.  He figured that it would be a lot easier to take it than move a bunch of  boxes of books to Toronto. Oh well, maybe some nice person will turn it into the desk. lol

Wednesday the 14th.  No such luck with the e-reader, I hope the next person enjoys it as much as I did.  Today I had to do blood work for Dr. Binny (respirologist).  Then on to physio. Next I had my P.F.T.'s.  The results are my lung capacity is at 16% same as last January.  Good news, I haven't gotten any worse!

Well thanks for reading, love yas!

In Memory of My Friend, Linda Hocken

RIP Linda Hocken born April 2, 1950 died September 2, 2011

One And The Same

Have you ever seen a butterfly with 2 broken wings?

I have and her name is Linda and amazing to watch.

Somehow she still flutters, flies and sings

Mentoring and smiling while waiting for the  new wings that match.

From Ontario's city of Guelph she came,
I hail from the salt seas of P.E.I.
Our differences didn't matter cause we are one and the same,
Our diseases similar, the quest for breath and the freedom to fly.

We shared one week of Hell, our assessments they did mark,
Scat- scanned, prodded and seventeen vials of blood they poked.
They measured, weighed and shot radio active into our heart.
Each days end left us exhausted and bruised but still she smiled and joked.

Back home now awaiting our results
We emailed, face-booked and phoned every week,
Trying to keep our home life from doing summersaults,
While we waited and worried for the General's approval we did seek.

Accepted lung transplant listed, back to Toronto we did roam,
We exercised hard to keep ourselves strong,
But only God could see how ill she was and he took her home,
Leaving me here without her for so long.

But I close my eyes and it's her smile I see,
I open my heart and it's her strength I find
That butterfly has become a soaring angel for me,
Forever my friend, and with my new wings we will bind.

You see it's in her honor that I shall name,
My new lungs Linda cause we are one and the same.
  

To Linda's Family

Love Always

Coleen

Glum...End of August 2011

Things here in Toronto have been very hot, humid and boring.


  Dr. Rotstein called to tell me  to say my liver counts have sky- rocketed again.  Here we go again, more blood work and off the T.B. meds again.


Went in to see him the last of the month and there has been no improvement yet.  I guess like everything up here, it's just a waiting game. GLUM.

What Doesn't Kill You, Makes You Stronger( Aug 2011)

 

After our girls left,  we spent a very quiet and sad week-end. Since sadness or any other kind of anxiety makes me short of breath (SOB) and I can't have that so it's time to blow my nose, wipe away the tears and pull up my bootstraps and move on with my life, such as it is. You know what I mean "CHIN UP and SMILE" attitude.  As my beautiful daughter would say, " Put myself into my bubble."

After having such a great week of physio, while the girls were here.  I went back on Monday morning to find all my weights, tensions and speeds have been upped by my respiratory therapists.  "Shit a God Damm"  and that's a quote from me.  Well it was a long hard week full of low oxygen stats, high heart rates, pain and sweat but I was able to complete it all in one session on Thursday.  Man was I proud of myself.

One afternoon we headed over to the Toronto Western Hospital see my family doctor and start the first of my Hepatitis shots which is required before transplant.  This wasn't unpleasant because thank God I never minded needles. Dr. Burnsky's nurse is so nice we had a long talk about P.E.I. She has been there for many vacations.

Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday Summer Vacation 2011

Up early this morning for our trip to the Toronto Zoo.  It is suppose to be a very hot day here in Toronto.

The Zoo is very hilly so we traded in my walker for a wheel chair for the day and poor Alan and Ashtin were tuckered out, trying to push me up the hills and in the heat.  Thank-you both for allowing me to see the zoo with the family xoxoxo!

Just a note to let you know that the Toronto Zoo is so large we had to pick which animals we wanted to see and we will be here until late afternoon. The first pic is of a Rhino.  I had never seen one before and they are huge. and I also never realized that their body looks to be made up of armor plates, so cool and a scary animal!

Turtles

  Orangutans, my God their are so cute!

Still with the Orangutans. haha

White-faced Suki, primate of South America, really cute!

We stopped for a break and this peacock just wandered up to our table, so friendly.

Not sure if she thought us to be boring or because we didn't have any food but off she went.

Too bad she didn't open her plumage, but she was beautiful none the less.

Mr. Gorilla 

Kirstin standing in front of one of the fish aquariums

 meerkat

this is one of the three elephants that Bob Barker is trying to get down to California.

OMG follow those footie prints Kirstin, I wonder what we'll see?

African Penguins through a glass into their pool.


Cherisse and I are both in love with Penguins! Aren't they adorable.

Beautiful penguins! xoxoxo

While most babies carry around their blankie, Kirstin has always carried around a stuffed polor bear named Polie, she doesn't always sleep with him anymore but he still goes places with her, so he was packed and landed in Toronto on this trip.  Needless to say she was quite interested in the Polar Bears

This guy was such a showoff !!!

Kangaroos

They can hop very fast, and I wasted a few pics trying to catch them hopping,  Unfortunately,  this is the best I could do!

It sure was nice in the heat today to get sprayed by this whale at the waterpark also located at the Zoo.


Wednesday& Thursday's morning bright and early Alan and I are back at the hospital for my physio.  Never has my physio felt so easy as these 2 days. Maybe what they say is true with lung disease is the more you do the better you'll feel.

It all has to end.  Thursday late afternoon we take our girls to the airport, their vacation is over. It was a very sad day for all of us.  :(                                                                                                                                                                                   We will miss them so much.  I do have to say that this has been the best ten days of my life! Thank-you girls xoxoxoxoxo

Summer Vacation 2011 con'd day 6

Spent the morning at Castle Loma and the afternoon at the ROM. (Royal Ontario Museum).

 

Very interesting architecture 

Ashtin heading into the Chinese Area

I thought this was so beautiful 

Budda

Kirstin in front of the temple

I pushed my oxygen cart out of the way

so I could pretend I was pulling the rickshaw

On to the dinosaur exhibit

      

This was the Dodo Bird

                                                           

                                                                 The Giant Tortoise

Who is scarier the dinosaur

or Alan? lol

The bat cave was dark and scary

         

On to Egypt!

    

Kirstin and me in the Egyptian tomb

Ashtin

Cherisse haha

Alan

Cleopatra   Queen of the Nile

Egyptian Mummy

On To Greece!

                       Cupid sleeping

Aphrodite

                                                                                 The head of Zeus

        A young Herakles

The Acropolis from another view 

 Oh boy! Street Entertainment  NOT

                                                               

                                  

What an exhausting day.  We were all wiped out including Kirstin

Somehow she got her second wind after we got 

home and wanted to go swimming. Thank-you

UNKIE ASH!

HEY YOU back to the shallow end of the pool!

Keep swimming girl!

awww that's better little fish!

Listen to me I am the King of the Water!

Good-night folks see you on the flip-side.