The Big "C" Theory

Knowing in my mind that something was terribly wrong with me was one thing but to actually go to a doctor and have that proven to me was a whole other matter. Call it denial if you will but I did have it for awhile, a long while. I kept telling myself "I'm not sick so therefore nothing is wrong with me" but all awhile running through my mind are the questions. Why the weight loss, why the lack of energy, why the feelings of hopelessness?

I know the reason for hopelessness, you see I thought I was dying. I even knew what was wrong with me. Yup, I had the big "C". It's time to interject some family history here so maybe you can better understand my reasons for not seeking medical advice
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I'm the youngest of six children. My father was the barber of our town. (yes, it really was a town back then) My mother was a stay-at-home mom in the early years. The four oldest children were born one after another, then there was a nine year drought. Then my brother Gerald came along and almost two years later out I came. The family legend as told to us by our older siblings was that Gerald was an accident and they had me just so he wouldn't get too spoiled. LOL I always knew this wasn't the true, coming from a very strict Roman Catholic family. I knew my parents didn't believe in birth control except for maybe the "rhythm method". Haha just look at the size of RC families back in the day, to see how that worked.


I was only five years old when Joe the second oldest got married. Followed two years later by Vernon and a month after him Lloyd. My only sister Mary elected not to get married the smart one haha. For the purpose of this story we will discuss Joe. Growing up he was my hero almost God-like. When I was young he spoiled me, took me everywhere with him fishing, for drives in his car, ice-fishing, even on dates to the drive-in movies with his soon to be wife Erma. They didn't have to worry though cause I was asleep before the cartoons were over. LOL During my teenage years I babysit their kids for them.

In the fall of 1989 Joe was diagnosed with CANCER. After a very long year of Chemotherapy and Radiation sucking the life out of him, worse than any cancer could. Giving us false hope. Joe died on Dec,8,1990. After watching my hero go through such sickness and pain, I vowed then and there that I would never do Chemo. As far as I was concerned a person was better off not knowing you had cancer if Chemo was your only treatment
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Hence, my reluctance to go to the doctor. I believed I had some form of Cancer.

In The Beginning...

July 1999-  I remember going to work this particular morning feeling great.  By mid-morning I climbed up and into the middle shaker for my hourly rotation at that position on Crew C's  Pattie Deck, at Cavendish Farms.  It was beginning to get warm, not unusual for the time of year.  Temperatures had been reaching 93-100 degrees F, on the deck for the past couple of weeks, just routine.

Today was different, during the course of my rotation something happened.  I began feeling very warm and nauseous and then " BAM" Not understanding what was happening to me. "What the hell was that." There was some kind of swoosh within my body, almost feeling like something just entered or left me. STOP! right here, No, I'm not crazy. and  no, I'm not talking about spirits. Similar, mind you but this is exactly how it felt.  Today, being more educated that feeling would have be called by the medical community as an Exacerbation *or a worsening of a disease. I didn't know any of this at the time and thought I was having a heat stroke. I landed up going home sick that day and over the course of the next couple of days managed to dropped my body weight from 143 lbs to 105 lbs. I know people can have a tenancy to lose weight while ill, but I wasn't ill, just nauseous, no sickness, no fever. Weird.

My Blog's Purpose

My intentions with this blog is to primary tell my story and tell it so it will be therapeutic to my own needs. Secondly, if it can help anyone going through similar health issues. I promise to answer any and all questions with total honesty and hopefully put you in touch with the right people who will be able to help you.  Lastly, it will be my way of keeping in touch with my family and friends. A way for them to know and understand my journey!!